Being A 5 Ft 2 Girl In The Workplace, A.K.A The Ten Most Patronising Things Said To Me By Colleagues In The Last Week

1. (Colleague, while bashing me over the head repeatedly with a cushion, apropos of nothing) "God you're so funny! You remind me so much of my little sister! Yeah, I know you're older than me - and what?"

2. (Completely different work colleague) "God, you remind me so much of my little sister!"

3. "You sneeze like a kitten."

4. "You remind me of that girl from the Petit Filous adverts. Yeah, the one with the bob. The French toddler."
5. "Fluffy. Yeah, we all call you that. I'm not sure why...I guess it's either the way that your hair sticks up, or you're like a puppy? One or the other."

6. (On making my boss a cup of coffee and him drinking) "Seven and a half. Out of ten, that is. To be perfectly honest, your coffee isn't blowing my mind."

7. (On me eating chicken nuggets) "Look at her little mouth! Look at her little mouth eating!" 
8. "Were you very, very naughty as a little girl?"

9. "You almost set the laminator on fire? You're ADORABLE."

10. "Is Wophie grumpy? Does Wophie want a choccy biccie?"