Fear of Clothing in Las Vegas, and Other Pornos We'd Like to See

Here at the Vagenda, we're not all that keen on the 2D porn you pick up in your average SoHo backstreet, tbh. I'm not sure about you, but close-up penetrative shots directly following a pizza delivery fail to get our pulses racing. We prefer it when the knickers are coming off for a some kind of reason, no matter how tenuous (I once shagged someone because they played rugby.)

Some of us need sophisticated characterisation, the hint of a sub-plot, metaphor, and/or a central protagonist with some kind of conflict to get our pulses racing. Actually, that sounds kind of like a BOOK - and so we've come up with some porn-y alternatives to great literature that we're sure would take a cosy place alongside Chesty Morgan and Jordan circa 1995 if someone would only give them a chance. Directors, take note. 

The Mound and the Fury

To Fill a Fucking Bird

The Golden Scrotebook

One Screw Over a Cuckold's Chest

Fear of Clothing in Las Vegas

Great Sexpectations

Muff in a Cold Climate

Sperms of Endearment

Toss Off The D'Ubervilles

The Cunterbury Tales (with dirty enough content anyway to have an entirely faithful film reproduction classed as 'adult')

Madame Ho-vary

Thus Poked the Zara-Thruster


Tom's Midnight Hard-on

The Adventures of Fuckleberry Sin

Catch 22 STDs

The Great Twatsby

A Midsummer Night's Cream

Bride's Head Rejizzited

The Masturbator and Margarita

Flangela's Gashes

Fucky Jim

Finnegan's Wank

Dulce et Decorum Breast

A Tale of Two Titties

Nineteen Eighty PHWOAR

The Life and Opinions of Tristam Hand Shandy

The Lord of the Rims

More suggestions would be most welcomed. Tweet us your #pornotitles @vagendamagazine. 

Lots of love,

The Vagenda Team