So, apparently, I’ve been getting it wrong all these years.
Food isn’t supposed to make you feel full at all! Omgdz how embarrassing!
Thankfully, Kinder Bueno have created
a new ad campaign clearly marketed at women which features the enlightening tagline “you
get all the taste you’re looking for, without feeling full” to set me straight.
And they must be geniuses, those guys, because
they managed to make a chocolate bar that tastes like that bit of the sofa my
dog sits on. Not even Heston Blumenthal had succeeded in achieving that!
Anyway, everyone knows women have a
stupid relationship with food. We are told to buy organic, to cut carbs, meat, and dairy. To eat nothing but cottage cheese through a straw.
Occasionally the Daily Mail pipes up with helpful additions such as
‘Nectarines give you cancer!’ or ‘Oily fish makes you more likely to hit your
wife!’ just to mindfuck you that little bit more.
So, goddamnit, if I’m going to eat that dirtiest,
most forbidden fruit of chocolate, I WANT to feel like Bruce Bogtrotter
afterwards, not Victoria sodding Beckham at bootcamp.
Do one, Kinder with your smug marketing.
As if anyone ACTUALLY enjoys feeling hungry (not that you will after the odd 37g of fat present in one of these babies.)