Celia Walden is hungry. That much is
clear. When you’re the high profile trophy wife of one of the planet’s
most famous and infamous media personalities, it must be hell to try and
find time to indulge in a guilt-free pig out session.
no wonder that, in her recent interview with hot actress of the moment
Jennifer Lawrence, all she can talk about is how Lawrence eats. Bacon.
The Ranch Breakfast. ‘Eating like a trucker’. The fact that she suggests
to Walden that they split a plate of blueberry pancakes (how I wish I
was in the room when that happened.) The fact that the 21-year-old Oscar
nominee (the second youngest nominee in history), current X-person
(X-lady) personification of Mystique and current beau of Skins bad boy
Nicholas Hoult (fingers crossed for X-babies) is far more interesting to
Glamour’s readership of everyone from 15 year old girls to 45
year old women because she’s eating breakfast. At breakfast time. And
it’s NOT YOGHURT.
Hell, I love my bacon. I’m
hungry just reading the piece, and not least because I’ve got a raging
crush on Lawrence; the American answer to Gemma Arterton with her Bambi
eyes, incredible curves and soft yet serious voice. But it’s this voice
that has been chosen to challenge Lawrence (in an interview much in the
style of the ones her character will be pitched into when Lawrence’s Twilight movie moment, The Hunger Games, is released next week), not Glamour’s
usual interview technique of flippy, skippy, jippy and girlie. Instead,
it’s a battle of wills between a hardened professional and a girl who
has no doubt had a lot of media training.
the blue corner, there’s Walden. Literally the blue corner - the
daughter of a former Tory MP who has made a name for herself bitching
about celebrities in a gossip column for the Telegraph, and more
recently bitching about how much she hated cyclists in the week one was
hit by a lorry in central London. She has also written for the Daily Mail.
Clearly, she’s a media-savvy woman, and her neatly probing yet
objective writing style was perfect for the tricky subject of Lawrence -
poised to be the next Kristen Stewart but with smiles, giggles and
undeniable talents. Ahem.
And Walden employs
this undermining tactic to great effect - she candidly gets Lawrence to
open up about kissing scenes with fellow actors while fully aware that
she is dating one such former on-screen flame. And when mentioning
Lawrence’s choice of the Ranch Breakfast over being skinny (later
insisting that she had to eat properly and build muscle for the role of
the ass-kicking, sharp-shooting Katniss in The Hunger Games
because ‘Kate Moss running at you with a bow and arrow isn’t scary) she
snidely observes ‘clearly, this girl has a lot to learn about the fame
Naturally I spat out my granola at
this. Sure, Walden is a smart, shrewd navigator of the murky media
waters, largely helped by her water-snake of a husband. But come on,
luv. You’re snidely suggesting that a 21-year-old girl with a vigorous
fitness routine, a body to die for, a proper appetite and a modelling
contract is in the wrong, and Rachel Zoe and her anorexic co are in the
But it’s not just Walden that’s suggesting this. Glamour
have taken what I’d like to christen ‘the Adele route’ with Lawrence’s
cover and photoshoot. The subscribers’ cover features Lawrence looking
an absolute babe in a bejewelled Prada bodysuit, but the plebs’ cover is
a headshot. Or more specifically, half headshot, half shot of some
ridiculously expensive frilly t-shirt by Valentino. Then inside, we have
two full-length shots of Lawrence (one of her whimsically running on a
beach, because you’re not a real Glamour cover girl until you’ve
run along a beach/through a park in an evening gown) and the rest are
close-ups of her neck, face, hair and some presumably expensive jumper.
Somewhere, at some point, Walden has cornered the picture editor in the
bathrooms at Vogue House and twisted her ear.
with this viewpoint comes another worry: as Lawrence’s star rises, like
Arterton’s did, how long will it be before the inevitable sly digs,
such as the infamous ‘Have you been eating all the spies, Gemma?’
headline from the Mail during the Bond promo circuit, kick in for
Jennifer? When will she become famous enough to be a justifiable target,
and when will Walden’s prophetic advisory words in the article ring
The interview left a deeply unpleasant
taste in my mouth. Instead of a lasting impression of how genuinely
down-to-earth, sweet, smart and normal Jennifer Lawrence is, I now
wonder if, as Walden suggests, there’s something wrong with that.
But, given that Lawrence regularly appears on Hottest Women in the World lists, I know where I’m placing my money.
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