What’s this!? Inequality between the sexes? A 15% gap in gender pay? A glass ceiling!? Someone call the feminists, we have bras to burn – and these ain’t no M&S cotton styles we’re talking. Feminism has gone Gossard! Enter stage right, Cosmopolitan magazine…
Cosmo, the ‘move with the times’ hipsters that they are have taken a well-earned break from advising on the best way to give a blow job (out of techniques, perhaps? Or maybe out of ice-cubes?) to embark on their latest campaign: 4Kequalpay, a campaign against the average £4,000 a year more those pesky men-folk are getting in their pay packet.
So incensed are they, (for incensed, read, panicked, as the magazine market plummets head-first into a bottomless pit) that they’ve even set up a government petition, ready to blow those politician types out of the water – someone smash and grab La Senza and let’s get this bonfire on the go!
‘Fantastic!’, we cry, here in the magazine industry, they not only advise me on how to get the perfect beach body, how NOT to scare of my boyfriend with commitment while still providing him with enough sexual positions to keep the average porn star happy, but also, how to get a pay rise before we all forget this career lark, get married and move to the ‘burbs....Hurrah!
In this most glamorous of sectors, we shout, they pay their employees fairly and squarely, treating their fellow women-kind with respect and enough money to keep them in bikini waxes. And all the while ensuring we’re in this season’s lipstick.
There’s no way these glossy manuals to life would expect young women to take a three grand pay-cut to have the very privilege of working for them, or that they dish out starting salaries that the average city banker would blow in an hour at Stringfellows…would they?
These centres of female hope wouldn’t reduce wannabe interns to sobbing wrecks, who, on realising this could be the job that launches their career, are forced to turn an offer down because they can’t move back in with their parents (a 200 mile round trip every day just wouldn’t cut the mustard) and unfortch, they don’t have a rich bloke to pay their rent (should’ve read those blow job articles)….would they?
They wouldn’t dismiss a perfectly qualified writer in favour of a barely coherent graduate who they can get for five grand less, despite her name being spelt wrong on her CV….would they?
And they definitely wouldn’t let their penis wielding other halves pick up the bill while frittering away their paltry salaries on Cath Kidston egg cups …would they!?
But of course they wouldn’t. They’re far too busy writing tips on giving head.
This article was sent to us by a former Cosmo writer with friends still working in the Cosmo office. She would like to remain anonymous.