So Axe, the toiletry brand for 12 year old boys have come up
with a series of witty har har adverts that portray whipped guys and their
Axe is basically American Lynx. You know- The Lynx effect, whereby
spraying your hairless chest with something akin to paint stripper infused with
Glade Touch ‘n Fresh gets all the 16yr old girls dropping their can of Impulse
in order to do the bend and snap.
There are, according to the anthropologists at Axe, five
types of woman:
“Show her how much she means to you in
a way she’ll truly appreciate: the gift of physical violence and humiliation.”
As man gets hit in face with tennis ball.
Oh sorry god awkward I just ROFLD so hard that I dropped my
Wii remote, with which I was apparently bludgeoning the patriarchy, whilst playing
Wii bowling with my boyfriend.
“Cool and confident in the knowledge that like a sexy
chicken she will come to roost, and that not all her flirting is bad flirting.”
As girlfriend starts chatting to other girl, instead of other guy, boyfriend
looks on with glee.
It is absolutely true that every time I talk to a woman I
don’t know, we are (in code) arranging a threesome.
Guy is watching a long play with girl, and then “and the
award for best guy who’s about to get some goes to…you!”
Hey Axe, say wut? We don’t even get the joke here? Had the
fumes from your shower gels melted your brains at this point? Had you had too
many WKD Blues?
“She’s saving her last bit of energy for a very special
thank you to the man who kept her entertained all night long.”
Yes, in my experience the life and soul of any rave is the girl
who relies on her boyfriend to keep her entertained all night. Look at her go!
She just got him a beer! I might start calling her Lindsay Lohan.
High Maintenance Girl
Apparently brunch is something women invented to be
pedantic. Anyway, a man walking a dog opens a handbag all by himself, but,
“luckily next up on her to-do list is you.”
Brilliantly, the shower gel at the end of this advert is
called ‘Snake Peel’. Fairly sure any guy with Eau Du Discarded Snake Bits would
be getting nowhere near my to-do list, but maybe I’m not high maintenance
enough and Snake Peel is the new chemical peel or something.