The Slut Quiz




Slut: I would put good money on you having been called it. If you’re a woman, and you’re over the age of about ten (I was eleven when my friend first, admittedly ignorantly, called me ‘slut’ as an insult on the playground), it’s pretty much unavoidable. Sluts are everywhere nowadays: they have boyfriends, they’re single, they get married, they go to universities, they hang around street corners soliciting sex, they run for political campaigns, they wear short skirts and dungarees and jumpers and trainers and fishnet tights. Considering how confusingly diverse the word ‘slut’ has become, you’d be forgiven for thinking that life is hard to navigate without being labelled one. For clarity’s sake, however, I’ve decided to categorise exactly how many men you can sleep with before you get tainted with this totally fine insult that functions, after all, only to keep you in line for your own good.

No men – Technically not a slut, but you are a filthy cocktease. Quit sitting around being all post-pubescent without having sex because it’s getting us all het up. You’re only one step away from being a slut, and probably worse already...in your mind.

One man – Capable of sex yet confining yourself to one man, you’re the most dangerous type of slut. At any moment when your boyfriend’s back is turned, you could be snatched away from fidelity by a horde of men and immediately defiled. You teeter on the edge of slutitude.

Ten men – Most likely a brazen harlot, especially if you’re in your twenties. This implies that you’ve had sex with more than one man every year since you lost your virginity at some slutty age in your teens, so don’t expect anyone to love you fully. Ever.

Above twenty men – Superslut. There is probably no hope for you to convert yourself into marriage material, so start saving up for your bachelorette’s garret and try not to shed any tears over it, since sluts cry acid.

100+ men – Liar! Only men enjoy sex anyway, so you obviously racked up this number to impress people socially. Live with the fact that you have disgusted and repelled them instead – if you can.

Once you’ve completed this fun little quiz, do a little ‘circle of trust’ with your friends at one of those female-only sleepovers you do (the ones where you all wear lingerie and have pillow fights, yeah?) Don’t forget to let us know which category you fall into!