Scene: Boardroom of FTSE 100 company: Six men and one woman sit around a large table. A female secretary sits in the corner taking notes.
CEO: Finally, I’d like to formally introduce our new Chief Financial Officer, Sarah Aitcherson, to her first quarterly board meeting. Could you kick us off with financial summary please Sarah?
Sarah: Well, profits are up again but unsurprisingly we’re still not seeing the pre-recession growth the company enjoyed in 2007. Share prices have held across the quarter and we’re set to see them rise during the summer months.
CEO: That is positive, I think we should congratulate ourselves on an excellent performance during a time of economic downturn.
The other board members all nod in agreement.
Sarah: Yes Sir, I also suggest we should set our sights on a rise over the next two quarters.
CEO: I’LL RISE IN YOUR QUARTERS! HAHA! HA!
Other board members: HAHA! HA!
CEO: AMIRIGHT?!
Sarah looks confused and a bit shocked.
Sarah: Erm...ok Mr Smythe. Anyway, I suggest we push all our assets into –
Board member 1: I’LL PUSH YOUR ASSETS! HAHA! HA!
Other board members: FNARFNARFNAR!
CEO: BANTS! Just my little joke! Anyway, I’ll leave that to you Sarah, you seem to have a handle on things.
(To the secretary) Could you bring us some more coffee?
Secretary leaves the room as he stares at her critically.
CEO: (to Chief Operating Officer) I prefer if they make a bit of an effort, don’t you William? HA! A nice smile and a short skirt?
They all laugh and hammer on the table, except for Sarah who looks appalled.
Sarah: Well...I suppose I'll go ahead and announce the profits then... I imagine we'll be approaching all our usual press contacts?
CEO: I'LL PRESS YOUR CONTACTS! HAHAHA! I'LL ANNOUNCE YOUR PROFITS!
Sarah: Mr Smythe that’s really inappropriate...and it doesnt even make sense-
CEO: Oh come on Sarah its just a little joke, lighten up! This is how we do things here, you’ll have to get used to us you know. That’s how you get on in this boardroom, BANTER! Didn’t you read that Dr Judith Whatsit study, men get on in boardrooms because we’re FUNNY! HAHA! Am I right team?
The other board members all nod vehemently in agreement and titter.
Sarah: But Mr Smythe, I heard that it was you who commissioned that study...
Board member (cutting across her): Mr Smythe, are we still on for weekend golf?
CEO: Of course we are, a MAN’s game that! Sarah will you be joining us? Swinging the old one-two? Think you can keep up with the LADS?
Sarah: Well I’ll be there, but I must warn you when I try to play golf I look like a frog in a blender. Haha! Am I right?!
There is an awkward silence while they all stare at her.
CEO: Release the hounds....
As imagined by RA.
