Shit Comedian Mike Sheer Only Mildly Funnier Than Rape...



...i.e. NOT AT ALL. 

So Chortle.co.uk, one of the leading UK comedy websites, posted this charming little addition to that "ongoing 'Are Women Funny?' debate- because it's been such a relevant and interesting subject so far.

It comes from hilarious comic Mike Sheer (if you've never heard of him, that's because nobody really has... until now eh Mike?) who decides to ask that age old question: "Which is less funny: women or rape?

It caused such a massive furore that Chortle issued a response, citing how it's ironic and supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. Well of COURSE it's ironic. Of COURSE it's supposed to be tongue in cheek; nobody could get away with saying that shit otherwise. They wouldn't have put it up. But that is totally not the point.

You'll all be ecstatic to learn that he thinks women are less funny than rape. Yeah. 

Oh MIKE you absolute SCREAMER. WHY aren't you more successful and well known? I'm literally crying into my rape alarm (with laughter) and becoming confused because the rape alarm is reminding me of how funny rape is, and then actually crying because I've just realised how I'll NEVER be as funny. As rape, I mean. 

Satire? Irony? But satire and irony are supposed to be funny Mike! I thought you were a comedian? And yes, I can laugh at the odd bit of sexism because, just like all the other stereotypes that come under fire from (lazy) comedians, women are not immune to that. Just like men are not immune to that. But the GOOD comedians come at it from a fresh, interesting angle. The GOOD comedians make it funny and unoffensive, and I'm not going to list the ways in which you could do that because, hey, THAT'S YOUR JOB. Otherwise it's just someone standing on a stage being offensive which, obviously, is some people's idea of a rollicking laugh... but they're in the minority. 


Well enough of my silly feminine chit-chat, let's pick some choice phrases from Mike Sheer's ode to Ending His Fucking Career because, after all, he's the funny one: 


"Rape is essentially raw brutality. Okay, so far so funny. Anything violent has the capacity to be hilarious. I believe it's called ‘slapstick’ However, rape is also a devastatingly personal tragedy and loss. That's not funny"

OK that was framed fairly insensitively but once I stopped laughing hysterically at the words "raw brutality" (you're RIGHT, when raw brutality is put in a set, you don't even need jokes or anything! GENIUS!) I get what you mean Mike. It's not funny. I agree.


"...as to whether or not the rapist finds it funny is inconsequential. They've already had their fun."

Bye Mike. You've lost your audience like the excellent comedian you truly are. Why would you add that in? Are you attention seeking again, Mike? Awwww. Oh, look, now he's talking about women:


"Do I hate women? The short answer is "no". The long answer is ‘no but yes’. I have a rather macrocosmic perception in regards to women: I don't hate them personally, of course, but I hate them as a whole. I hate how they manipulate me with their sultriness and crumble my directives. I hate how they receive better treatment from society just because they are weak and soft. I hate how they appear to like me and then rarely do. So when one steps behind that microphone, can you blame me for reeling?"


He's tried a bit of self depreciation to soften the blow, but because he's shite at writing, it hasn't really come through. He can't REALLY be saying that because women won't fuck him, he can't find them funny. Because that would be... well there aren't really words in the English Language that convey what I feel that would be. All I can think of is Fuckhead.

"To enjoy a comedian you have to like them. Either immediately, or after they insult themselves to the point where you no longer feel threatened. Some women are capable of doing this, but only when I didn't really want to fuck them anyway."

Oh. You actually genuinely don't find women funny because they won't fuck you. It's really weird, because I find funny guys incredibly fuckable and for some reason I want to hit you with a pole. I wonder why you don't get laid? Maybe after this article eh? FINGERS FUCKING CROSSED EH? (fuckheadfuckhead)

Then Ole Mikey goes on to explain a lil bit about why men have had to develop a sense of humour in order to attract women, and how all women can do is "imitate us if they want to be funny, by copying our method of telling jokes". Which is a redundant point. Comedy is an organic process. It's a constantly changing, adapting medium where everyone copies everyone else constantly, adding their own styles and personalities, in order to form a coherent whole. Or, at the very least, an hour-long Edinburgh show that gets a 4 star review from Chortle. 

Women weren't hugely integral to the foundations of the comedy industry, sure. That's because we weren't allowed to speak at the dinner table or do anything on stage other than sing alluringly and get our arses smacked. It's now the 21st century and women have been being funny and telling jokes and even writing their own funny TV shows and everything for QUITE A LONG TIME NOW. We've sort of caught up. And the Are Women Funny Debate is doing nothing but highlighting a segregation that ISN'T REALLY THERE ANYMORE IS IT? 


At this point I could name (TINA FEY) some women who are (AMY POEHLER) integral to the industry (SO YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY AWARD WINNER AISLING BEA) at the moment but I won't because that's what Chortle want me to do. That's why Mike Sheer wrote his shitty article. 


The worst thing about this entire fandango is that Chortle have done a Daily Fail. They've decided to shit all over the fact that for years hilarious women have had to answer the "are women funnier than men" question and "are men funnier than women" question and the "how can you manage to tell a joke long enough without bleeding all over the stage" question purely so they'll get more views. And this isn't just something nothingy to get the punters talking, Chortle have made me so angry I tried to make a salad and kept wanting to punch the cucumber. They have insulted and offended some of the funniest people they trawl London reviewing, so more people will have a little look at their website. 


Obviously it's supposed to be tongue in cheek, but it's difficult to laugh when framed in such an outrageously insensitive and repulsive way. Women have been fighting against the fact that being funny is "intimidating" and "masculine" and "nobody will ever want to shag you" for bloody ages, and stuff like this is not helping. Oi, Chortle, you're supposed to be supporting comedy. Not degrading some of the funniest comedians in the world for the sake of hits. Next time why not try writing something witty and clever and amusing? 

Complete and utter shame on you.

- SM