The (Kinda Sexist) 90s Kids' Guide To The Internet

If you follow tech blogs, you might have seen this late-90s Kids Guide To The Internet linked already. If not, let me introduce you to its awesome awfulness. In this educational film, the Jamisons: Mom, Dad and their kids Dasha and Peter - the smuggest suburban family since the early Disneyland Paris promo that came with The Little Mermaid in 1991 - guide you through the basics of the internet. Funny, for a video promoting a high-tech future, it looks pretty 80s. It even starts with the instruction: “Adjust your VCR tracking for the best picture.” The pan-pipes-and-singing ditties in between segments: "Take a spin now you're in with the techno-set, you're going surfing on the internet...!" are Book of Mormon-meets-Avenue Q minus the swearing.

Obviously, mom loves the internet for gardening, recipe tips and buying her daughter birthday tickets for the ballet, while dad and son enjoy keeping track of their investments and reading the sports reports (hopefully when mom’s not too nearby so her pretty brain doesn’t explode...). And of course, games, movies and MTV are coyly mentioned after the kids have excitedly done their homework. OBviously these wholesome all-Americans wouldn't dream of printing pages out from the internet and flogging them to the kid in class who doesn't have a computer (actual storyline from a brilliant 90s UK TV show...)

I've taken a nostalgic, wizened look at some of the internet's exciting features, as presented in the video (or, I couldn't get the damn music and cheesy smiles off my brain, so I wrote an article to compensate...)